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Stages of a Heartbreak

When an individual is suffering through a broken heart, there are different emotional stages he or she may go through. These stages are also stages of grief and are similar to the stages one confronts when suffering through the death of a loved.   The main stages are: shock and denial, isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. 

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1. Shock and Denial

The first stage is shock and denial, or the “Did we really just break up?” phase. This stage can last as short as a few minutes to as long as a few months. In this stage, a teenager may feel confused about whether or not the breakup is for sure.   This confusion and “state of disbelief” may lead to denial. In this same stage, one may have thoughts that their significant other will still come back to them, and will continue to do things one did with their former lover to make the relationship feel “normal”— for instance, continuing to contact their significant other.   The thoughts and confusion in this stage may arouse feelings of both denial and hope.

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2. Isolation

When he/she finally internalizes the reality of one’s breakup, one moves on to the second stage: isolation, or the “I just want to be alone right now” phase. In this stage, an individual will finally accept the reality of the situation and start to feel the emotions of heartbreak.   It is normal for one to want to be alone for a while, as it gives he/she time to think and reflect on the past relationship.   During this time alone, a teenager may reflect on the relationship, and think of what may have caused the breakup to happen. In a teenager’s mind, memories of their relationship and breakup may replay, thus causing feelings of sadness and even self-blame.

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3. Anger
Next, is anger, where emotions of sadness turn into rage. In this stage, individuals may find themselves getting rid of any remembrances one has towards the former boyfriend or girlfriend; for example, throwing away pictures or gifts, or deleting phone numbers and messages.

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4. Bargaining
Following anger is the bargaining stage, or the “What can I do to get our relationship back on track?” phase. In this stage, one will go out of their way to rebuild the relationship with his or her former lover.   This can be done in two forms: one, attempting to get one’s ex-boyfriend or girlfriend back, or also trying to remain “just friends” with them. Although it is normal for former lovers to be “just friends,” you should try not to “befriend a [former lover]” right away since the feelings of heartache may remain.   By wanting to rebuild a relationship and attempting to be friends with your former lover, a teenager may unrealistically cling to hope that one day they will get back together again.

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5. Depression
Depression is the fifth stage of heartbreak. This occurs when one finally acknowledges that the breakup is real and has happened.   An individual going through heartbreak will have feelings of sadness, self-blame, guilt, and also fear. One would be in a state of fear because he or she may feel too hurt to realize that the heartbreak is only temporary. Because of this, teenagers might feel that they will not have or may not want future relationships to happen anymore because of the aching feelings from their current breakup.

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6. Acceptance 
Finally, the last stage of heartbreak is acceptance, or being put in a state of relief. This stage will occur when a teenager has fully accepted the situation of the breakup and is willing to pick oneself up and move forward with their life.   Although there still may be pain from the breakup, the pain is bearable and will be mended with time.   

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Someone going through heartbreak may not go through each of these stages, and sometimes the order of the stages for one will vary. It is good to keep in mind that the time one takes to go through these stages is a state of grief and also that there is no specific time frame for any one phase. Everyone goes through these phases at their own pace, and it is important to be positive keep in mind that things will eventually become better. 

References:

  1. Coopersmith, T. (2010). 7 stages of a breakup. SheKnows Love. Retrieved from http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/816216/the-7-stages-of-a-break-up-1

  2. Cox, A. (2008). The science behind heartbreak. Science 2.0 Join the Revolution. Retrieved from http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak-33900

  3. Kaminsky, A. (2010). Stages of grief after a breakup. Livestrong.com. Retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com/article/125018-stages-grief-after-breakup/

 

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