Cracks of a Broken Heart

There are some teenagers nowadays who experience painful heartbreaks. I could say I'm one of them. Why do we feel pain when the one we love let us go or why do we feel our heart breaking when we let go of someone who means the world to us? For some of us heartbreaks or breakups are one of the most situations that we go through, but we know deep down it can lead us to a better situation.

In my case, moving on was really hard. My recent relationship lasted for 5 months. Honestly, it's the most painful and hardest break up that I've ever had, maybe because I was too attached to him and the feelings I felt while I was with him was way different from what I felt from my other ex boyfriend. Why did we break up? Let's rewind the happy & sad moments of my relationship with him.

When I met this guy, my heart was shattered from my past relationship. He was there to comfort me & remind me that I deserve someone better than my ex. Starting from then, our communication became constant, we started hanging out and having those late night phone calls. I would say, through his actions and how he treats me made me fall in love with him. He somehow made me realized that us girls shouldn't cry over someone who does not deserve us. After a few weeks of talking, I finally realized that I love him, so then we made our relationship official. Our relationship wasn't that perfect, we had ups & downs almost every month. Honestly, there wasn't a month that we didn't take a break from each other. For the first two months of our relationship, we were infinitely happy. Until, the day came when I started to doubt his loyalty towards our relationship. I then found out that he is doing something behind my back. I couldn't take the pain anymore, so I decided to let him go. But, I realized that I love him so much, that letting him go was so hard. He was willing to right his wrong, so then I think he deserves a second chance. Although, I gave him a second chance, it still hurts on my part of what he did. As days passed by, I kind of forget the mistake he did from the past because we started to be happy again. It was hard for me to be genuinely happy because none of us girls wants our boyfriend to have another girl behind our back. You may call me stupid because I took him back. A lot of people that surround me were disappointed on the decision that I made, they couldn't do anything, but to support me because they know how much I value our relationship and how much I love this guy. So starting from then, we decided to work things out between us. We became the person who we were from the beginning. But, I didn't expect that this relationship is going to last because of some issues. After our 5th monthsary, we started having problems again. He wasn't giving enough time in our relationship, which I think is really bad, because in relationship, in order for it to last, TIME must be a part of it. From then, I felt something different, but I didn't say anything because I don't want us to argue. So, I let it go. Until the day came, I couldn't handle anymore. I talked to my close friends, if I should stay or leave. According to them, I should leave because I do not deserve it. When I repeat the reasons to myself and to my close friends why I shouldn't stay, it seems legitimate. But, deep down it doesn't seem right. I gathered all my strengths to cut the tie that knot us together. I love him so much for me to lose him, but I have to because our relationship isn't the way it used to be. When I told him, it's over, I couldn't move, tears started to ran down my cheeks. He started grabbing me slowly towards his body, he hugged me really right, kissed me on my forehead while saying "I'm sorry", I didn't know what to say. I was speechless. I was blanked out. I was crying really hard, asking him "Why did we reach this part", he didn't say anything. He kept hugging me really tight, whispering the words "I love you". But, still I didn't answer back. I wasn't sure if that I love you was sincere. I couldn't accept that the relationship we worked hard for has finally come to an end. But, I have to accept it anyway because I was the one who ended it for the best of us. So then, I walked away without saying a single word to him, not even a goodbye.

 It was hard for me to totally walk away from him because we both know that the love we had from the very start is still alive. But, we somehow realized that some things are not just meant for us and we believe in the quote saying "If two people are meant for each other, they will eventually find their way back to each other's life."

Days, weeks, and months had passed, but still I didn't move on. It was still hard for me. I was haunted of the memories of who we were.

Going through a heart break isn't fun at all, well maybe some of us may think it's fun, but for me it was miserable, especially if you really love that person. There were times that my friends caught me facing out because I was thinking about him, days you feel so uncomfortable that you can't smile genuinely, and days that you can't focus on your school work or any other things. The worst part of going through a heart break is crying to sleep at night. There are just people who hits them harder at night, I'm one of those people. At night, I have hard time sleeping, so I would re-read all the conversations we had, watch our pictures together and hoping that he would call me that time. But, I know deep down he's not going to call me because he's also on the process of moving on.

When we hear the word "moving on" it sounds so easy, but it's really hard to do it because you're still stuck with the memories you had with your other half. So, how did I deal with it ?

It was hard dealing with it because I still love him, and we have mutual friends, but I always tell myself these words "You have to move on, you guys aren't the same people anymore" that's where I get my strength everyday. In order to move on, you have to fully let go of the one you love. Sometimes, you still miss them, but that's just normal. Missing them is part of moving on, it doesn't mean you need them back in your life. Other way to help a person move on is to go out with friends and family and just have fun because your thoughts about him will fade, rather than staying at home, you will tend to think about them more. That's what I did when I was really broken, most of the time I'm out with my friends, having friends who makes you happy really helps too. Lastly, accepting the fact that you guys are not together anymore & starting from that time, you should stop expecting, because as what they said expectations leads to disappointment. I would say, it's still okay to miss them or love them, but you should really accept that the relationship is over simply because you guys aren't the same people anymore. Everything ends for a reason and at the end, we have to accept it.

What I learned from my relationship with this guy is not to depend your happiness with your other half because when they leave, they're going to take your happiness with them.

I thought I would never be happy again, you don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend to be happy. As long as you have those people who are true to you and loves you as much as you do, I guarantee you, you are beyond happy because of them.

"Stay strong, head up, fake a smile, move on."