Broken Promises

“To infinity and beyond, my love. I promise you that.” Promises are meant to be kept, not broken. After going out with my ex-boyfriend for three years, I’ve learned that promises are meant to be broken.

April 11, 2011; the start of a new chapter in my life. Hi there! My name’s Joy. Three years ago, I met a guy who was really charming, handsome, and friendly. He was very good with his words. He always knew the right words to say to me. Now, there are a lot of guys out there who are also very good with their words, but this guy, there was something different about him. His name was A. A was a football player, a soccer player, and a baseball player. Everyone knew him. He was very out-going and funny. I guess that’s what caught my attention.

Two weeks after talking, he asked me to be his girlfriend. At first, he was playing around by saying, “So, do you want to…be a cheerleader?” I playfully hit him. Then the serious question came along, “do you want to be my girlfriend?” Of course I said yes! I could finally express my feelings to him.

All the hugging, kissing, and laughs, I couldn’t help but feel like the happiest girl alive. We took a billion pictures together. We went on several dates. We were comfortable around each other. We showed everyone that we were a very proud and happy couple. I felt like there was nothing and no one who could get in the way of our relationship. I thought wrong.

Four months after dating, A broke up with me. I was heartbroken. Just the day before, we were fine. I didn’t know exactly why he broke up with me. He just said that he needed to focus on school and being with me was too much of a distraction. All I knew was that I wanted him back. I didn’t know how, but I was willing to do anything to get him back. The next day, people told me that he cheated on me with a girl named J. I didn’t want to believe it. I had to hear it from A himself. I didn’t talk to him at all that day. Typical break up, right? Until the next day; he told me that he cheated on me and he was sorry about it. He promised me that he wasn’t going to cheat on me or hurt me ever again. I didn’t care what he did; I just wanted my baby back. For being the blind and stupid girl I was, I took him back. Looking back, that was the biggest mistake of my life.

Throughout my relationship with A, he cheated on me about fifteen times. I don’t know why I kept forgiving him. Well, I think the reason why I kept giving him another chance was because I thought he was going to change. I thought he was going to stop cheating on me. I thought that after cheating on me a couple times, he’ll finally learn his lesson. I thought wrong. He kept promising me that he was going to change. He promised that he was going to stop all the nonsense he was doing to me. A took advantage of me. He kept cheating on me, lying to me, and going behind my back because he knew that I loved him way too much to let our relationship go. He knew that no matter what he did to me, I was just going to forgive him and let it go.

I didn’t want to let our relationship go, so I found every reason to let the good overweigh the bad. It was difficult, but I did it for three years. There’s only so much a girl can take in and I had enough. The last couple months of being with A weren’t what I expected. In the beginning, I thought that A was going to be that guy who’d change my perceptive of guys. I thought he was the right one for me. In the end, A became the guy he said he wouldn’t be.

He broke up with me again a day before New Year Eve 2013. While breaking up with me over the phone, I didn’t take it seriously. I thought he was just playing around like he always did, but this time, he wasn’t. Till this day, I don’t know the exact reason why he let our relationship go. I haven’t done anything bad to him. I haven’t cheated on him, lied, or went behind his back. I had every reason to break it off, but I didn’t. I knew I should’ve a long time ago, but I loved him way too much. Till this day, it still hurts. A and I don’t talk to each other anymore. He has a new girlfriend. I’m happy for him. I’m glad he’s happy even if I’m not the reason anymore. Even though he has completely shut me out of his life, I’ll never stoop that low. I still care and I still love him. After all, he is my first true love. My walls are back up and it won’t be easy for another guy to bring them down.

It’s sad knowing that the guy who was once your daily routine is now someone else’s. It’s difficult seeing someone you love, love someone else. There are days where I’d have the urge to text him and tell him that I still want to fix things, but I know that this break up is for the best. We had our whole future planned out, now all of that is gone. After going out with A for three years, I’ve learned that promises are meant to be broken, not kept.

My friends and family have helped me cope with this break up. I’ve surrounded myself with people who actually care. It’ll take me awhile to genuinely smile again, but that’s okay. I still want A in my life, but as of now, I believe that I need to distant myself from him in order for me to move on. From here on out, I don’t know what will happen between A and I; only time will tell. I just hope that wherever he is in the future, he can look back at what we had and just smile and remember all the good times we had. What A and I had was wonderful. He taught me what love is, how to be loved, and how to love someone. He taught me how to be comfortable in my own skin. There are many great outcomes from being with A and I’m glad I met him.