Just Like That

It all start as strangers, then friendships and it grows to even deeper feelings--relationships or the time we want to be with that someone and call them our "other half".

We really don't know who we fall for until we get to know them. However, some people fall too easily, and that describes the relationship I had with this guy.

I fell for this guy named X in the year of 2012. Before then, I remember ignoring him when he would always message me on Facebook. Overtime, we started talking, and little by little I found out that he was the sweetest guy ever. As days and months went by, we finally met. We already had feelings for each other before we met, and yes I know that is crazy but nowadays, that’s how relationships seem to work. We really didn't have that much in common except for the fact that we both loved the same color, blue. He lives miles and miles away from me, but that didn't stop me from loving him. I didn’t really think I’d be that attached to him but I was. He was the best boyfriend ever. He was the type of guy I always wished for: caring, loving, and respectful.

I remember the first time we met. The very first time we met was unforgettable. I was alone, and went to where he lived. I cried on that day, because he questioned me on why I came down to where he lived and told me that I should go home instead. However, when talking on the phone at the time, I stopped crying since he told me that he’d meet me at the transit. When he got there, it was full of silence. He didn't talk for minutes. It was awkward, but was worth it in the end.

Months of our relationship passed by, and we started to argue, but that didn't break us apart. We couldn't afford to lose each other and that's when we would work things out. When I had family problems, I would vent to him and he would make me much feel better. Every night we talked on the phone was a memorable one. I would always get busted for using the phone late at night but hearing his voice was worth getting busted for. He was the first guy that ever gave me his jacket. He was the guy who would always drop me off to transit although he would leave at times. But there were also the times he would stay even though he knows he'll get busted. I remember him lying to his parents when we were together. We would do everything just to see each other and those days were the best and I still can't seem to forget about them.

And then, it came to a complicated situation..

I remember, it was, June 9, 2012: the day when everything changed. I don't know if it really was my fault, but on that day, I chose to FaceTime with my other friend and not my boyfriend. And that was the day--the day we start to doubt each other. I admit that I was stupid for not putting him first, but when I tried to talk to him, he would shut me down. I didn't bother because I knew he was mad and so was I. Yes, I did tell him "hurtful" things but that was only because I didn't know he wanted to FaceTime and the truth was, I wanted to FaceTime with my friend. I don't know. He knows that whenever I say something , I mean it, but that day, everything I said didn't come out right. And yes, I regret saying them.

That day, we didn't talk. No one bothered. I didn't because he told me he needed space. Hours passed by, and I couldn't stop thinking about how our relationship was going to end with a bad result...but it did. He posted a status that said, "So where do we go from here?" After reading that, my mind was filled with hatred, sadness, and stupidity, leading me to post an "I'm done" status. I didn't mean it..I swear I didn't.On his side, he didn't try fixing things with me. It just ended like that and I seriously can't blame him but yet, I can’t blame myself either since we both didn’t try to fix things--that was the first time we didn't try.

From that day on, we barely talked. However, he didn’t know (well from what I remember) that I still loved him after that. Weeks passed and we didn't communicate anymore. When I’d go on Facebook, I’d see him talking to his ex-crush or the girl he had a "thing" with. That broke my heart because I remember he’d tell me, "I wouldn't go for her anymore..again" but he did. He didn't know that I was hurt. When we were together, I even remember him saying "bad" things when I asked him about her. I didn't like how she treated him; from what I remember, X treated her right but she didn't do the same.

Before he started going out with the girl, I saw the girl's indirect post on Facebook. I didn't like everything she posted and I couldn't stand her because she thought she was all that. So I posted something and I mentioned her in it. We argued through social networks and the two of us were saying to each other that "you can have him.." and other things related to who needs and gets what they want. I didn't like how I told her that she could have him because deep down in my heart, I was still head over heels in love with X.

After those arguments with his ex-crush and him saying "issue infested" really hurt. I can't believe he would say such things but it happened. We went out for about 5 months and 22 days. It doesn't seem long but being with him felt like a year. I had A hard time moving on. Boys would try to talk to me and I tried getting into relationship afterwards, but it didn't feel the same.

I constantly checked his Facebook and whenever I did, I would think about why I let him go, bursting in tears, wondering why everything ended just like that. Why was I stupid for picking my friend and not him. The idiot that I am took him for granted. It wasn't a good idea but yet, I learned a new lesson.

Although it’s been years, I still think about him. I know that months, or years from now I will get over how our relationship ENDED JUST LIKE THAT. To be honest, I still get hurt when I see him talking to someone. I don't know why, but there's still a part of me wanting him. Or, it’s probably just because when I think about what we had, that's when I still do want him. BUT..seeing him happy with someone else makes me happy. Although he can be a mean when I talk to him, I still wish him the best.

For those of you who have had their heart broken, remember not to take things for granted and..NEVER LET YOUR ANGER SAY THINGS YOU DON'T MEAN TO YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE.